Family Business (episode).

Quark's mother violates Ferengi law by earning profit.



Summary

Sisko is in his quarters fixing chicken paprikash and humming to himself cheerily as Jake enters. As he only cooks Hungarian food when he is in a good mood, Jake deduces that his father has convinced the Peljenites to exchange ambassadors with the Federation. As they begin their meal, Jake casually brings up Kasidy Yates, a freighter captain he is eager to introduce to his father, as he mentioned before. Sisko attempts to cool Jake's heels but acknowledges he will meet Yates soon enough.

In Quark's, business is booming and the bar is packed but Nog is nowhere to be found. Rom reveals that his son is studying for his entrance examinations for Starfleet Academy, much to Quark's chagrin. Nog, he claims, will cause the end of Ferengi civilization by joining Starfleet and abandoning the pursuit of profit. Although Quark claims Nog wants to be "hew-mon", Rom jokingly claims he simply wants a job with better hours. Quark is not amused.

Their business is interrupted as Brunt, a liquidator from the Ferengi Commerce Authority, enters to post a writ of accountability on Quark's wall. Panicking, Rom immediately tells all patrons to vacate the premises; the bar is now closed.

Act One

Brunt is now behind the deserted bar, busily working a PADD as Quark and Rom sit nervously. Rom attempts to make smalltalk with Brunt while they wait but Quark is not amused. Suspiciously, Brunt asks if they have listed all of the bar's profits, reminding him of the severe fines they will face if they have lied to the FCA; on double-checking the figures on the PADD, Quark conveniently claims Rom has forgotten to add the profits from their tulaberry wine franchise. Once his brother leaves to retrieve the figures, Quark inquires about what he has been charged with, paying the customary bribes to first learn which law he has broken and then to borrow a copy of the law to read. By this time, Rom has returned, and Quark discovers his crime is improper supervision of a family member. Another bribe reveals that Ishka, Quark and Rom's mother, has been charged with earning profit.

Quark next stops by the security office to see Odo, informing the constable that he will be taking a trip to Ferenginar and will hold Odo personally accountable for the security of his bar in the meantime. As Odo has already learned of Quark's trouble with the FCA, the Ferengi reveals that he will have to pay for his mother's crimes unless he convinces her to confess and make restitution for whatever she has done.

Meanwhile, Sisko and Kira arrive in Ops, where Sisko informs her he has decided to name Deep Space 9's newest runabout the Rubicon. The major teases him about his habit of naming runabouts after Earth's rivers before she goes to work, noting how many runabouts the crew seems to go through. Dax intercepts Sisko on the way to his office to eagerly ask about Kasidy Yates; it seems Jake has told her already. Although Sisko has yet to meet Yates, Dax has, and she claims Curzon would have stolen the freighter captain by now. Sisko tells her he is glad she is not Curzon anymore.

On the way to the airlock, Rom catches up with his brother to announce that he too is going to Ferenginar. With the bar closed, he is eager to see "Moogie" again. Quark does not want Rom to accompany him, as he always takes their mother's side in arguments – even in calling her Moogie, a childish nickname Quark that detests. However, he agrees to let Rom come along.

Act Two

Quark and Rom bring Brunt to their boyhood home on Ferenginar, where Brunt pays the standard "admission fee" and signs a legal waiver to cover potential theft. Rom is glad to be home again, but Quark appears uneasy about the number of new items in his mother's house. Rom finds his old tooth sharpener, which reminds Quark of how he only had a chew stick when he was a child. Brunt interrupts them to give Quark a formal list of Ishka's crimes and inform him they have three days to obtain a confession. However, a clothed Ishka enters the room and informs Brunt that she has no intention of giving one. Rom is glad to see his mother, but Quark tells her to undress immediately; Brunt meanwhile shields his eyes from the clothed female and is taken aback as she addresses him, a stranger, directly. He takes his leave after reminding Quark of the three day time limit. Quark attempts to reason with his mother, but believing she is standing up for all Ferengi women, she refuses. It is clear Ishka is pained to think of hurting her sons, whose reputations will suffer for her actions, yet she refuses to give in.



"It's going to take you a long time
to get through that one."

In front of Quark's, Bashir and Odo look on as O'Brien attempts to open the locking mechanism on the door. It seems their dartboard is locked inside, and though they could replicate another, Bashir claims it is "the principle of the thing". However, Odo is not optimistic given the convoluted lock Rom has put together. They are interrupted when Sisko stops by to inquire what is going on. O'Brien denies that the dartboard is lucky. Sisko observed that it will take a while to undo the tripartite microsealing mechanism Rom has constructed. He is on his way to a cargo bay; O'Brien is under the mistaken impression the commander is on his way to meet Kasidy Yates. Although this isn't the case, it seems Jake has told everyone about his father meeting the freighter captain.

Rom comes to the table with a bowl of fresh tube grubs, having picked them himself since "Moogie" is not feeling well. Quark begins scheming to claim Ishka is mentally ill, but Rom reassures him she only has a rash from the newness of wearing clothes. The two reminisce about how independent their mother has always been, although Quark chooses to focus on the negative aspects. He claims she dragged their father down and that he will not let her do the same to him; right as he claims he will put her in her place, however, Ishka enters (fully clothed) and challenges him to do so. Rom is clearly proud of his mother's defiance. They sit down to eat, but Rom is surprised the FCA is making such a big deal when he learns that all Ishka has done is earn three bars of latinum by investing in Hupyrian beetles. Nonetheless, Quark is adamant that Ishka must repent, yet she remains equally adamant that Ferengi society is in desperate need of change. Additionally, Quark is worried about his mother, who will be sold into indentured servitude in addition to the stigma her sons will face. Although Ishka is acting from her heart, Quark accuses her of being selfish and not caring for anyone but herself.

Act Three

Later, Rom visits privately with Ishka in her bedroom, which is bland and utilitarian as per Ferengi traditions with regard to females. Ishka keeps it this way to remind her of the "idiotic" Ferengi traditions towards females. Though he is glad to see his Moogie, Rom is uncomfortable, unaccustomed to seeing clothed Ferengi females, so Ishka disrobes for him. He is genuinely concerned about Quark and tries again to convince Ishka to pay back the bars of latinum she has earned. However, she reassures him Quark has always provided a generous stipend; the issue is pride rather than money. She is willing to be sold into indentured servitude rather than pay back the three bars. As they embrace, Ishka lovingly tells Rom what a good son he is for being so concerned for Quark. Ishka then offers to sharpen Rom's teeth.

Sisko finally meets Kasidy Yates in the cargo bay, where she and her crew are loading cargo onto her freighter, the Xhosa. He learns that Yates' equipment is outdated before formal introductions. The two mire over Jake's over-zealous match-making attempts, but Yates must attend to the inertia moorer on her ship. As Sisko leaves, he hesitates, and Yates suggests they meet for coffee the next day at 18:00.

The next morning, Rom emerges sleepily from his room, cleaning his ear, to find Quark has been up all night on the computer. It seems Moogie has conducted business transactions under dozens of aliases, proving she has the "lobes" for business but earning so much Quark will never be able to pay it all back.

Act Four

Meanwhile, Quark is seated across the table from Rom, still in shock and with a faraway look in his eyes. Rom claims Quark is not the type to fly off the handle, that they will come up with a solution, but Quark claims to have found one: He will kill Ishka.

Quark enters Ishka's bedroom, where she attempts to hide a PADD she was using to try to hide still more earnings. As he confronts her, she claims he is jealous that a female is better at earning profit than he. She compares Quark to his father as Rom enters, but Quark refuses to believe that his mother did not receive help from a male or that his father was a business failure. Stubborn Ishka refuses to budge, so Quark storms out, headed for the FCA.

However, Rom follows him into the main room of Ishka's house and confronts Quark, claiming Ishka is right on both accounts. Quark is furious, yet Rom, who lived at home ten years longer than his brother, claims their father was a failure and only got by with Ishka's help. They each grab the other in the Ferengi equivalent of a brawl and knock over several pieces of furniture in their attempt to kill each other before Ishka enters to break it up. She reassures Rom she will be fine and tells Quark to do as he pleases. Once he leaves, she begins to cry.

Act Five

As he enters a waiting room at the Tower of Commerce, Quark observes how steep the 40 flights of stairs are and remarks of the seven strips of latinum required for the elevator, "Talk about inflation!" He asks to see Liquidator Brunt and sits down, but several seconds later, Rom enters, exhausted from running up the stairs. At first uninterested in whatever Rom has to say, Quark perks up when he hears Ishka plans to give him half her profits. Cheerily, he leaves an extra slip for the Secretary and takes the elevator down.

Back at home, Quark apologizes to his mother for everything he'd said before and stunning Ishka, asks how much profit she made so that they can divide it fairly. It turns out that Rom had lied to both, telling Quark that Ishka would split the profits, and Ishka that Quark wanted none of them and had done so in order to get them talking to each other. Showing backbone, he berates both brother and mother pointing out that Quark shows no respect to his mother and that if Quark can uncover her profits, the FCA surely could too. He then insists that they settle things – without shouting – while he heads off to take a nap. Ishka tells Quark that he's a lot like her, and that Rom is like his father: Rom, like his father, never understood the Rules of Acquisition, but Quark, like his mother, does. She agrees to imprint the confession for him, since she can't refuse him anything.

Back on the station, Sisko and Yates are having coffee at the Replimat and discussing New Orleans, Sisko's home. He recalls the good food and the great music. However, Yates looks uneasy, and breaks the news that she had a prior engagement, but a family one, as she was waiting for a subspace transmission from her youngest brother on Cestus III. Cestus III is on the other side of the Federation and it takes two weeks for a transmission to reach Deep Space 9. When Sisko questions what the transmission is about, she admits to Sisko that her brother plays a sport that was played on Earth centuries ago… baseball! Sisko literally can't believe his ears, and asks for more details about the team, the Pike City Pioneers and the Cestus Comets. Yates tells him that it's a six sided league but more teams are potentially forming, but she asks why he's so interested. Sisko, now like an excited child at Christmas, tells Yates that he loves baseball, but he's doesn't know anyone apart from Jake who was interested in it, or even heard of it. Yates suggests that Sisko come and listen to the transmission with her, since it is an audio recording of her brother's game against the Cestus Comets. As they head off, Sisko pesters her with questions about the league; do they use a designated hitter (no), what about wood bats (of course), and whether or not they could use a right-handed pitcher (while flexing his right arm as though warming it up). As Sisko and Yates walk away, chatting about their shared interest, Jake smiles to himself from the top level of the Promenade, knowing that his matchmaking efforts worked.

On Ferenginar, Ishka imprints the PADD with the confession for Brunt. Brunt notes that she will be an example to all women that nobody could outsmart the FCA, but Quark bribes him with a small sack of latinum. After all, as he says, "what would people say if they knew a female had made that much latinum?" After Brunt exits, Quark says his goodbyes and follows. Rom and Ishka hug and disclose that she only gave up a third of her profits, but that the FCA wouldn't find the rest, since she hid it so well hidden, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to find it all!

Memorable quotes

"My house is my house."
"As are its contents."

- Standard Ferengi greeting

"Mother, get undressed this instant!"

- Quark

"If you want any suggestions, I'll be in cargo bay --"
"…four."
"Huh? Seven."

- Benjamin Sisko and Miles O'Brien

"Since when does a Ferengi need to make excuses for earning profit?"
"You're a female!"
"And when it comes to making profit, this female is a better Ferengi than you'll ever be!"

- Ishka and Quark

(Cheery tone) "I sincerely hope I never see any of you again!"
(Equally cheery) "The feeling is mutual!"

- Liquidator Brunt and Quark

"You know at the rate we go through runabouts, it's a good thing the Earth has so many rivers."

- Kira Nerys, referring to the new runabout USS Rubicon

"Look brother, the latinum tooth sharpener I used when we were children."
"All I had was a cheap wooden chewstick."

- Rom and Quark

"That's enough bickering! You're both acting like children! I will not stand by and let this family tear itself apart! Quark, you should be ashamed of yourself. I've seen you treat Cardassians with more respect than your own mother. And Moogie, if Quark can uncover your hidden investments, then the FCA will, too. And then all that profit will be lost. Think about that for a moment. Now, neither one of you is going to leave this room until you've settled things! Is that clear?! AND NO SHOUTING!!! I'm going to take a nap."

- Rom, berating Quark and Ishka

"I'm glad to see you two are finally getting along."
"I think things will be a lot better between us from now on."
"As long as he doesn't find out you only gave the FCA a third of your profits!"
"If you ask me a third was too much. Well, it's my own fault for not hiding it better."
"Are you sure the FCA won't find the rest?"
"I've got it hidden so well I'll be lucky if I can find it!"
(Both laughing)

- Rom and Moogie