I'm a doctor, not a...

I'm a doctor, not a... is a famous catch phrase and snowclone used in Star Trek. Originally used by Dr. Leonard McCoy in Star Trek: The Original Series, the phrase lived on in various other incarnations of Star Trek and was used by both Julian Bashir and The Doctor, among others. Dr. McCoy's original delivery of the phrase varied with emotional intensity, from extreme frustration to light-hearted sarcasm. Subsequent uses in later series also mirrored this performance. This iconic phrase has also appeared in other media as both a parody and homage to the show. Very often, it was just the way of Dr. McCoy and subsequent characters to prevent criticism in case of failure, but also often, the "not a..." ability is successful, especially in dire needs.

Usage

Dr. Leonard McCoy

"What am I, a doctor or a moon shuttle conductor?" (TOS: "The Corbomite Maneuver")
"My dear girl, I'm a doctor. When I peek, it is in the line of duty." (TOS: "Shore Leave")
"I don't know, Jim. This is a big ship. I'm just a country doctor." (TOS: "The Alternative Factor")
"Me, I'm a doctor. If I were an officer of the line..." (TOS: "A Taste of Armageddon")
"What do you mean what sort of work? I'm a doctor." (TOS: "This Side of Paradise")

"I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer." (TOS: "The Devil in the Dark")
...to which Kirk replies, "You're a healer, there's a patient. That's an order."

"I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist." (TOS: "The City on the Edge of Forever")
"I'm not a scientist or a physicist, Mr. Spock..." (TOS: "Metamorphosis")
"Look, I'm a doctor, not an escalator." (TOS: "Friday's Child")
"I'm a doctor, not a mechanic." (TOS: "The Doomsday Machine")

"I'm a doctor, not an engineer." (TOS: "Mirror, Mirror")
...to which Montgomery Scott immediately replied, "Now, you're an engineer."

"I'm not a magician, Spock, just an old country doctor." (TOS: "The Deadly Years")
"I will not peddle flesh! I'm a physician." (TOS: "Return to Tomorrow")
"I'm a doctor, not a coal miner." (TOS: "The Empath")
"I'm not a mechanic, Spock..." (TOS: "The Empath")
"I'm a doctor, Spock ... a doctor! Get us beamed aboard!" (TAS: "Albatross")

During one episode of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, DeForest Kelley spoke the line "I'm not a doctor, I'm a convicted murderer."

Dr. Leonard McCoy (alternate reality)

"I don't need a doctor, damn it, I am a doctor!" (Star Trek)
"I'm a doctor, Jim, I'm busy!" (Star Trek)
"Damn it, man, I'm a doctor, not a physicist!" (Star Trek)
"Damn it, man, I'm a doctor, not a torpedo technician!" (Star Trek Into Darkness)
"Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a-- (beamed out)" (Star Trek Beyond)

According to screenwriter Roberto Orci, the line "I'm a doctor, not a physicist," was one of several "nods" to the original series that the writers tried to make seem natural, rather than shoe-horned-in efforts to win goodwill from the fans. "That sort of line and that sort of coupling," said Orci, "is good in any context whether it's the first time or the tenth time you've heard Bones say something like that, because it was specific to the situation and it was elucidating to his character." (SFX, issue #200, p. 60)

Dr. Julian Bashir
"Garak, I'm a doctor, not..." meaning a spy or an investigator, but Garak interrupted him. (DS9: "Past Prologue")
Garak says "I'm no more a spy than you are..." Julian interrupts, saying "A doctor." (DS9: "Cardassians")
"I'm a doctor, not a botanist." (DS9: "The Wire")
"I'm a doctor, not an historian." (DS9: "Trials and Tribble-ations")
Variation as Julius Eaton: "We're writers, not vikings." (DS9: "Far Beyond the Stars")
The Doctor
"I'm a doctor, Mr. Neelix, not a decorator." (VOY: "Phage")
"I'm a doctor, not a bartender." (VOY: "Twisted")
"I'm a doctor, not a voyeur." (VOY: "Parturition")
"I shouldn't have to remind you: I'm a doctor..."
...interrupted by Torres: "...not an engineer. Right, but..." (VOY: "Prototype")
"I'm a doctor, not a performer." (VOY: "Investigations")
"I'm a doctor, not a counterinsurgent." (VOY: "Basics, Part II")
"I'm a doctor, not a database."
...to which Henry Starling responds: "I'd say you're a little bit of both." (VOY: "Future's End, Part II")
"I am a doctor, not a peeping Tom, there's nothing I haven't seen before." (When catching Lt. Torres in the sonic shower.) (VOY: "Drone")
"I'm a doctor, not a battery." (VOY: "Gravity")
"I'm a doctor, not a dragon-slayer." (VOY: "Bliss")
"I'm a doctor, not a zookeeper." (VOY: "Life Line")
"I'm a doctor, not an engineer." (VOY: "Flesh and Blood")
According to the official Robert Picardo website, during Picardo's audition, the final scripted line for the reading was, "I believe someone has failed to terminate my program," and he finished his audition with the ad libbed "I'm a doctor, not a nightlight." However, when encountering the example in "Phage", Picardo was apparently unfamiliar with the tradition at first. He later recalled, "When I read that script I just thought it was a joke. Then I was told on the set this is a Bones line. I guess I remember him saying lines like that." (Cinefantastique, Vol. 27, No. 4/5, p. 40)

The example from "Parturition" was invented by Picardo himself. He remembered, "I suggested the 'I'm a doctor, not a voyeur' line, which also made it into an episode." (Cinefantastique, Vol. 28, No. 4/5, p. 97)

By the end of the second season of Voyager, Robert Picardo had become aware of the audience's appreciation for these lines and had invented a version that ultimately never made it into an episode. The actor commented, "The audience seems to get a kick out of whenever I invoke the spirit of Dr. McCoy." Laughing, Picardo added, "I hope someday to have a scene with Harry Kim, where I say, 'Damn it, Kim, I'm a doctor not a blank [whatever task the script demands.]' That would really be tweaking them one step further." (Cinefantastique, Vol. 28, No. 4/5, p. 97)

Dr. Phlox

"I'm a physician, not an engineer." (ENT: "Doctor's Orders")

Starfleet EMHs

USS Enterprise-E EMH Mark I: "I'm a doctor, not a doorstop." (Star Trek: First Contact)
USS Prometheus EMH Mark II: "I am a doctor, not a commando." (VOY: "Message in a Bottle")

Variants

The Original SeriesJames T. Kirk"That's a supposition, doctor, not a fact." (TOS: "The Naked Time")

"I'm a soldier, not a diplomat." (TOS: "Errand of Mercy")
"You keep saying that. Are you a doctor, or aren't you?" (TOS: "Amok Time")
"These are people, not robots." (TOS: "The Apple")Carl Jaeger
"I'm a scientist, not a military man." (TOS: "The Squire of Gothos")
The Next Generation William T. Riker"This is geology, not malevolence." (TNG: "Pen Pals")
Katherine Pulaski"He is a boy, not a sword." (referring to Wesley Crusher) (TNG: "Pen Pals")
K'Vada"This is a military vessel, not a pleasure craft." (regarding his Bird of Prey in TNG: "Unification I")
V'Sal "I'm just a barber, not a miracle worker!" (TNG: "Data's Day")
Deep Space Nine Gaila"I'm a weapons dealer, not a soldier." (DS9: "The Magnificent Ferengi")
Cardassian Security Officer"This is a jail, not a hotel." (DS9: "Sacrifice of Angels")
Dukat"That's justice, not malevolence." (DS9: "Waltz")
Crewman Kellin"I'm sorry captain, but I'm an engineer, not a magician." (DS9: "The Siege of AR-558")
Gilora Rejal"We're scientists, not diplomats." (DS9: "Destiny")
Martok"Why? You're a bartender, not a warrior." (DS9: "Shadows and Symbols", to Quark)
Miles O'Brien"I'm an engineer, not a philosopher." (DS9: "It's Only a Paper Moon")
(Garak:) "Maybe you're not a soldier anymore." (O'Brien:) "You're right. I'm an engineer."
(his jury-rigged explosive detonates) (DS9: "Empok Nor")
Odo"I'm a security chief, not a combat pilot." (DS9: "Vortex")
"This is work, not recreation." (DS9: "The Ascent")
"I'm a changeling, not a solid." (DS9: "In Purgatory's Shadow")
"I'm not a God, I'm a security officer." (DS9: "Treachery, Faith and the Great River")
Benjamin Sisko"This is not a request, it's an order." (DS9: "In the Pale Moonlight")
"He's not a detective, he's an engineer." (DS9: "Prodigal Daughter", about Miles O'Brien)
Douglas Pabst"I'm a magazine editor, not a crusader." (DS9: "Far Beyond the Stars")
Julius Eaton"Calm down dear boy. We're writers, not Vikings." (DS9: "Far Beyond the Stars")
Worf "I am a warrior, not a murderer." (DS9: "Broken Link")
Quark"You're asking me? You're the terrorist, I'm just a bartender." (DS9: "Favor the Bold", to Major Kira)

The phrase "I'm a security chief, not a combat pilot" was a deliberate homage to TOS. Robert Hewitt Wolfe thought the line was "fun to do" and "was appropriate" given its context in DS9: "Vortex". (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Companion, p. 42)

Voyager The Doctor "This is a sickbay, not a conference room." (VOY: "Caretaker")
"They're Klingons, not kittens." (VOY: "The Killing Game, Part II")
"This is sickbay, not an arsenal." (VOY: "Bliss")
"She's a counselor, lieutenant, not an engineer." referring to Deanna Troi (VOY: "Life Line")
"This is a sickbay, not a dormitory." (VOY: "Demon")
"This is a Federation starship, not the Barge of the Dead!" (VOY: "Repentance")
"It's not justice, it's revenge." (VOY: "Repentance")
Diagnostic Hologram" I'm a diagnostic tool, not an engineer." (VOY: "The Swarm")(said of The Doctor):
"It wasn't programmed to be a tenor, it was programmed to be a physician." (VOY: "The Swarm")
Tom Paris "I'm a pilot, Harry, not a doctor!" (VOY: "Message in a Bottle")
B'Elanna Torres "I'm an engineer, not a costume designer." (VOY: "Virtuoso")
Harry Kim "They're scientists, not soldiers." (VOY: "Nightingale")
Neelix (Quoting Captain Janeway, refering to her as "the warden") "This is punishment, not shoreleave." (VOY: "Thirty Days")
Chellick "We're healers, not killers." (VOY: "Critical Care")
Kathryn Janeway "This is a starship, not a nature preserve." (VOY: "Someone to Watch Over Me")
Nechani Magistrate "I'm an official of the government, not a spiritual leader." (VOY: "Sacred Ground")
EnterpriseJonathan Archer "We're visitors, not spies." (ENT: "The Communicator")T'Pol "This isn't shore leave, this is a research mission." (ENT: "Strange New World")
Phlox "I need to think like an engineer, not a physician." (ENT: "Regeneration")
John Frederick Paxton "I need a scalpel, not a bludgeon." (ENT: "Terra Prime")
T'Pau "He doesn't need a physician, he needs a priest." (ENT: "Kir'Shara")

In the first draft script of ENT: "Fortunate Son", Admiral Forrest told Captain Archer, "You're out there as an explorer not a policeman."